For some reason I have always boasted of a terrible memory..I realise that life is easier to live if u forget smaller details of everything.. I am an absent minded person, have always been..I take things on face value and don't bother reading in between the lines anywhere..maybe that's why sometimes people may feel that I am not very interested in whats happenning around me.. but its my way of maintaining some mental sanity !
Though 'forgetting' suits my life just fine, I am unable to digest the proverb 'forgive and forget' as easily. Theres a reason..
Everytime I came across a person who I thought I could trust, has invariably proved my judgement wrong..and I forever wondered why ?! What is it that I am doing to attract people who I cant lay my faith on ? I ended up wasting months and years behind these people and causing myself a lot of heartburn and trouble, but those people were unaffected !
Each time that happened I went back to my old trick of forgetting them ! I was successful to an extent but that sting was always there everytime someone touched it ! I was left wary for life ..though in my mind I had erased them from my contacts lists but some bitterness stayed..I expected some apologies from those people but it never came, leaving my relationship with them incomplete....I could'nt let go of that person completely, no matter how much I tried..Maybe I still had a link that connected me to them..a link of resentment, which was stronger than steel..
When I went back to my 'landmark' coach a couple of months ago, he thought it was high time I saw the mirror..He wanted me to come out of these misconceptions that I had about myself being magnanimous and forgiving and loving towards all..when I asked him why I couldnt forget the people who hurt me, he said bluntly.. "You have a very small heart and only pretend to be as great as you feel..You are weak and in no mood to forgive all those people.so if you have any ideas about moving on..forget them !"
I was obviously stunned and left bitter about what he said but I took his word for it .." Forgiveness is about personal power !The weak can never forgive..forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. Sincere forgiveness cannot be coloured with the expectation that the other person apologize or change.we have to stop worrying whether they will finally understand us..They may not ! Love them and release them..Life will give back to you in its own way..Forgiving is hard business..Specially when it comes to forgiving the one who may be closest to you, because we cannot not have our expectations from them ! Love is an act of endless forgiveness..and love is what we are all looking for !
That day with my coach, I found the answer to why I couldn't forget those people.. it was because I had not forgiven them. The instant I made up my mind of letting them go even with whatever they had done, I felt relieved..many years lighter ! and then stumbled upon another beautiful string of words by Lewes Smedes
"To forgive is to set a prisoner free..and discover that the prisoner was you !"
